so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
