are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
