your thong is hanging out like whoa
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It's never too late to be topless.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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