My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just want nice things and good sex
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
