My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Randomize
