I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
