We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You are the jesus of drinking
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
