After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
