I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
