My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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