I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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