Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
