no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
