craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
