I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
