There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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