I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
