Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
