so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
