The police scanner is talking about you again....
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
