i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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