Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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