Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
