i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I just googled if crying burns calories
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
