It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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