Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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