I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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