you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
