My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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