I want to stick my p in your. b.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
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