Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
