I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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