My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
