first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
