PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
