Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I checked into jail on foursquare
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
