I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
