craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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