Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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