We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
