there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
