the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
