All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
