Im at strip club and am horny
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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