I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
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