first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
whose parrot is this?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
