i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
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