Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
