It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
