I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
