I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
